true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
