Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
