Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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