dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
