apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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