so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
