Do you still have your period?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
