Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
