eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
