when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
