We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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