I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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