Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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