morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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