I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
