I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
