this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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