I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
