I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize