just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
