it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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