I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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