I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
