omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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