I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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