Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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