Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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