HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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