I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Pants are for mortals
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
