so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
