when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
