True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
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Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
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I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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