mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
