In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
