I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
