in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
