i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize