He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
