U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
