I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Acid is not a monday night drug
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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