Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize