when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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