I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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