If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize