Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
