Already got asked if we're dating
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
