I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
