Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
