i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
