Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
