I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
