So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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