Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
