Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
