there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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