i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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