sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
