you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize