I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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