Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
