1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
