Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
