I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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