i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
