oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
