the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
