I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
