I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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