I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Floor bacon is actually really good
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
