I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
