I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
