he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
