dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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