She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
