all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
