i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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