We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
