She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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