Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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