last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
