Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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