Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
