You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
