I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ugly people sure do ruin things
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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