wat bout pragnant strippers??
i was born a porn star she said
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
