am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
