she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
