nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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