ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
