everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
